First doctor’s appointment… It’s not as good as I hoped. The baby is only measuring 6 weeks 2 days to be exact-- it should be 10 weeks 3 days . This means one of two things A) the baby isn’t growing and that will mean a miscarriage in the end. B) I ovulated late and essentially skipped my December period (if that is the case the baby will be exactly where it needs to be). I had blood work done at the doctor’s office and am going back on Thursday, this will tell us if the baby is growing. If the blood work comes back that the baby is growing I will have a follow up appointment in two weeks to check everything and make sure there is a heartbeat.

Originally I handled the news like a champ, no change in expression, this will all be okay. Once I left the doctor that was a whole different story. A wave of emotion came over me. I’m not sad or stressed I guess I’m more afraid than anything. I’m not afraid of miscarriage, that is a very normal thing, I’m more afraid that there is something wrong with the baby. I will know more on Friday but the world of the unknown is not something that I handle well. Regardless of what happens it is out of my control and there is nothing I can do at this point, it’s out of my hands.

I’m not sharing for empathy or attention, I committed to myself that I was going to share my story the good the bad and the ugly. The truth is life isn’t always a rainbows and butterflies pregnancy is no different, there is true heartbreak that happens.