First doctor’s appointment… It’s not as good as I hoped. The baby is only measuring 6 weeks 2 days to be exact-- it should be 10 weeks 3 days . This means one of two things A) the baby isn’t growing and that will mean a miscarriage in the end. B) I ovulated late and essentially skipped my December period (if that is the case the baby will be exactly where it needs to be). I had blood work done at the doctor’s office and am going back on Thursday, this will tell us if the baby is growing. If the blood work comes back that the baby is growing I will have a follow up appointment in two weeks to check everything and make sure there is a heartbeat.

Originally I handled the news like a champ, no change in expression, this will all be okay. Once I left the doctor that was a whole different story. A wave of emotion came over me. I’m not sad or stressed I guess I’m more afraid than anything. I’m not afraid of miscarriage, that is a very normal thing, I’m more afraid that there is something wrong with the baby. I will know more on Friday but the world of the unknown is not something that I handle well. Regardless of what happens it is out of my control and there is nothing I can do at this point, it’s out of my hands.

I’m not sharing for empathy or attention, I committed to myself that I was going to share my story the good the bad and the ugly. The truth is life isn’t always a rainbows and butterflies pregnancy is no different, there is true heartbreak that happens.

8 weeks! I feel like every week is worth celebrating. I’ve been reading a lot lately, and I’m sure I am more aware because I'm pregnant but miscarriage and infertility are everywhere.  Granted, I have not suffered from infertility so I can only barely understand the pain of what they must be going through. It took me 5 grueling months to get pregnant, and every month that there wasn’t a positive pregnancy test I started to worry even more.  So when someone is brave enough to share their miscarriage story or infertility my heart goes out to them, it’s often times a silent battle that is horribly painful. I have only had a glimpse of the pain myself, I’ve been a very curious friend as one of my best friends struggled to get pregnant. I’m currently reading What Alice Forgot, a book I would not recommend reading when you’re in early pregnancy. Alice’s sister Elizabeth has suffered with infertility, countless miscarriages, and IVF. Reading such stories does not help with the paranoia.

   

While getting and staying pregnant can be difficult, being pregnant is no walk in the park either. Apparently I was blissfully unaware of what being pregnant entailed. Did you know nosebleeds can be a common pregnancy symptom? Yeah, me neither until I had two this weekend. You wouldn’t expect little things to make you feel like you’re going to blow chunks. Gagging while you brush your teeth, check! Gagging when you put any foreign object in your mouth ie. pen, putting a pillow case on, laundry when your hands are full, check! That feeling at the base of your throat like you could lose your lunch at   any given moment, check!

You are not invincible if you aren’t sick in the beginning. I thought I wasn’t going to get that sick and oh boy was I wrong! The end of week 8 has come with vengeance. I’ve had one of the worst day’s in a long time today. And throwing up this morning was just icing on the cake- they don’t lie when they say eat something before you get out of bed. I choose to think “oh I’m nauseous but it won’t happen to me.” Yes, I was VERY VERY wrong. It’s okay to cry sometimes, I certainly have today.


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So, I’m pregnant! I like saying I’m pregnant vs. we’re pregnant because Cody doesn’t have to get out of bed to go pee 500 times a night, among the countless other pregnancy symptoms.

I had a lot of apprehension about starting a blog this early on, I’m 7 weeks. I don’t know if you knew this but the second you start telling people you’re pregnant you start to hear horror stories of someone who miscarried at 16 weeks, or my friend that threw up every single day for the entire length of her pregnancy.  After a little deliberation I decided why not, worst case scenario I miscarry and if that does happen I would prefer to have the love and support of my friends and family.

Taken at 6 weeks pregnant on Christmas Eve

"The big guns" and cheap test

I found out I was pregnant on December 14th.  I was about a week late for my period and after taking countless, okay really it was probably 4 or 5, cheap pregnancy tests and receiving negatives I decided to bring out the big guns. I took the Clearblue®,  test that tells you how many weeks you are since conception (they work great by the way) and we finally got a positive, well a “Pregnant” if you want to get meticulous about it.

Instantly fear and excitement set in. We have been trying for 5 months- but who is counting?  I immediately started laughing because I did the math and I’ll give birth in the exact month that I was trying to avoid.  Another fun fact, a pregnant person feels about 10 degrees hotter than a normal person. During the summer months in Utah I’ll feel like it’s over 100, thank goodness I don’t live somewhere that feels like you’re on the sun. Sorry for the pregnancy brain, I’m due in August hence the temperature rant.

Thus far my symptoms have been minimal other than the fact that I could fall asleep standing 90% of the time. I haven’t had morning/all day sickness which is awesome and terrifying because of all the old wives tales. I probably drink twice as much water as a normal person and consequently as earlier stated I feel like I pee 500 times a day. And we’re getting into the TMI phase of things I feel like my boobs are huge. I guess I have nothing to complain about because I’m not puking my guts out.